You used to be able to use different colors to write with on WordPress. That facility disappeared some time ago from this free hosting site. It’s such a cheap-ass platform in that way but I’m a cheap-ass producer so I guess it fits.
I carved these up with a hand-held routing tool. Pretty cool little device, actually.
I don’t know whether I consider myself an artist any more than most people have some kind of desire to express themselves outside of the workplace environment. It’s a matter of making the time if you feel the inspiration or need to express something in a hard, tangible, way that doesn’t involve high temperature furnaces and a degree in metallurgy. Not that wood is hard like metal but it still wont yield like a carved banana would. Which brings me to the part I can’t be having and that’s fruit carving. No! Fruit is a food and should be at most cut up (but not carved into intricate designs that will only remain a memory. Or a magnetic imprint in an image storage device that gets lost or ends up in the trash.) then eaten. But, if by chance, it happens to have a thick coating of weapons grade Listeria bacteria on it then eating it would be dangerous. All the more dangerous if wrongly handled in the first place, I say! I don’t think people understand the risk they place themselves in when they tuck into a carved piece of fruit. No matter how up-market the venue may be. Have you seen the state of the cutlery used to make those cuts that could end in convulsions and soiled undergarments?!?
Rust is real people! You can’t just look in the other direction and pretend there’s a choir singing hallelujah. You just can’t. Name me one person in the last 100 years who have noticed pretending choirs?……… See!
We have been conditioned by TPTB that carved fruit is a sign that you’re moving up in the world when it could just so easily be the author of your unwitting doom. That’s if you don’t have the requisite bio-chemical skills and the necessary testing equipment to assay that fruit before you take that first fateful bite. Carrying that sort of equipment around can be difficult so if you’d like to go to my product page you can purchase a nice little kit that you can wheel about with ease. I’ll be adding more products as they present themselves to my industrious mind. Situational awareness comes at a price in this heavily undersold market. Don’t be caught with the wrong fruit in your mouth. Don’t delay. Only 478 easy payments. Kit contains: 50xFruit bags. 2xPad of lab request forms. Value!
No. Only a surgeon with years of experience cutting up fruit on their patients will do if I’m going to have someone carve my fruit! I’ll want that surgeon right there in the room, somewhere, at least.
See how bad carved fruit is? It’s bad. That I can tell you.
So, what point was I going to make this time? What earth shattering declaration am I going to make that will shake your very core beliefs? So much so that you have to sit back and go, “Wow, that was earth shattering and I’ll have to fuck off to a Monastery for a month or so and get some monks to whip me.” Ok! Give me some time to lead up to it. If I blab it out straight away without contextualizing around my reveal it might lose some of it’s ecclesiastical power. Mind altering statements have to be draped in the vestments of intellectual power that I just can’t seem to find at the moment. Royal vestments seem to fool most of the people most of the time but religious relics posing in Facebook as investment gurus is one I’m working on for my product store. It’s called “ap my ‘vestment” It’s for the more down-market investor who finds his best chance at making enough money to play the markets in the first place is to dress up in some vestments and hang out in wine bars trawling for a confession or two.
Some interesting conversations can be had. But not there. Interesting conversations have to be viewed or listened to at least 100 000 times before they can be considered interesting and that just isn’t gonna happen with these conversations. Can you imagine the uproar from the deaf when they get no word of this at all?
I’ll leave you with the thought that as this blog doesn’t have the ability to fly unaided it will take the underground instead.